Patterns- shapes-
and something in the air that's telling me my Fall has come....
Always in the fall, there seems to be some change for me. But it's been a consistent pattern over the past few years.
Last fall- gained newfound independance, traveled, moved, moved, moved- in more ways than one- ended relationship.
Fall before last- gained newfound independance, traveled, moved, moved, moved- in more ways than one- ended relationship ( this time a friendship I'd had since childhood).
This fall- gaining newfound independance, traveling, moving, moving, moving, ended relationship. Or rather, had them nip it this time before it ever really took root. An easy out, I suppose...cuts through the bullshit if you end something before it begins.
Is this some sick pattern I am doomed to repeat? Is this the essence of me, or merely coincidence? And if it's purely a path I have seen patterns in that aren't really there- why does it make me stop and think.....?
this time feels different- but the times before that, I have learned from, yet I thought that each step was of the "different from the others" variety, then, too.....
But this move I appreciate in so many ways. My family, my friends, I see them in so much of a better light now. I appreciate them all the more, and I feel this is the right step for me. And, as far as relationships go-
well, hell.....I suppose things happen for reasons, and if it ends, it may be because they are not as ready, or they're not on the same wavelength I am, or they're just too selfish, too immature, too independant, too into spontaneity to the point of insanity- or any other various reason...or it could be I am just not there yet. And maybe I just haven't met my match....or a hundred other reasons......a hundred different possibilities...
And I know, though, with the way I am now- that I could end up 100 years old and be okay with never having anyone always there to hold me through the night. I have gotten comfortable and used to holding myself....ha.
and when that fails to do the trick-
i always have that one lovely and heartwarming comfort-
watching new episodes of the OC......on this fall.
and something in the air that's telling me my Fall has come....
Always in the fall, there seems to be some change for me. But it's been a consistent pattern over the past few years.
Last fall- gained newfound independance, traveled, moved, moved, moved- in more ways than one- ended relationship.
Fall before last- gained newfound independance, traveled, moved, moved, moved- in more ways than one- ended relationship ( this time a friendship I'd had since childhood).
This fall- gaining newfound independance, traveling, moving, moving, moving, ended relationship. Or rather, had them nip it this time before it ever really took root. An easy out, I suppose...cuts through the bullshit if you end something before it begins.
Is this some sick pattern I am doomed to repeat? Is this the essence of me, or merely coincidence? And if it's purely a path I have seen patterns in that aren't really there- why does it make me stop and think.....?
this time feels different- but the times before that, I have learned from, yet I thought that each step was of the "different from the others" variety, then, too.....
But this move I appreciate in so many ways. My family, my friends, I see them in so much of a better light now. I appreciate them all the more, and I feel this is the right step for me. And, as far as relationships go-
well, hell.....I suppose things happen for reasons, and if it ends, it may be because they are not as ready, or they're not on the same wavelength I am, or they're just too selfish, too immature, too independant, too into spontaneity to the point of insanity- or any other various reason...or it could be I am just not there yet. And maybe I just haven't met my match....or a hundred other reasons......a hundred different possibilities...
And I know, though, with the way I am now- that I could end up 100 years old and be okay with never having anyone always there to hold me through the night. I have gotten comfortable and used to holding myself....ha.
and when that fails to do the trick-
i always have that one lovely and heartwarming comfort-
watching new episodes of the OC......on this fall.
posted by JillAnne at Monday, October 17, 2005
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